Feeling Loved

So, I'm standing at the kitchen sink one night, just doing the supper dishes, when my husband asks me, "Don't you feel like you do too much around here?".

(okay, so yes, he did have a couple of beers after work, but not enough to account for this.)

So I say, "I don't see that I do anymore here than I would if we had our own house."(read 'should've gone first' post for background)

Both my husband and my mom work full time jobs - that is very important in understanding the awesomeness of next part of this conversation.

So he says, "The way I see it, there are three adults with full time jobs in this house. Your job is taking care of our kids, period. You feed them and dress them and play with them. If you choose to cook family dinners every night, do the grocery shopping, wash floors, clean bathrooms (and he listed on and on!), that is all extra."

"We have all put in a long day," he continued, "but the day doesn't end at 3, 4, or 5 o'clock. Dinner & dishes and laundry and the kids don't go away at 5pm. I think you get ripped off and should get more help around here."
Now, Clark is a very helpful husband. He does laundry several times a week. He loves to play with his kids. He always helps to prepare dinner, unless he is keeping the kids occupied while I do it, which I do consider helping with dinner since they are out from under my feet (literally).

He wasn't speaking of the regular family care stuff. We should take care of our kids. He was talking about help from my mom and our oldest son. We keep after J.. to do chores and he is getting better at it... when money is involved and considering he is only 11 1/2.

He was speaking about the normal upkeep of a house like clearing cobwebs, dusting light fixtures, washing floors, raking lawns, painting. Not neccessarily daily, but regularly.

My mom though, is tired a lot. She gets up just as early as Clark and is usually home before him, but she is usually in her room by 7 on weeknights. She often saves her chores and errands for the weekend, but then she has church commitments, babysitting, volunteer work, etc.

I don't mind it really. I am genuinely happy that she is finally living her life for her. I think it's about time and it's great. That really isn't the point of this post though. The point of this story is the recognition that my husband doesn't think the way my father does.

Being raised by my mom and my dad, I was brought up to think that dad's job is to go to work and pay the bills...period. The house and kids are a mothers job alone. My dad never ever played with us. My dad never helped mom with dinner or laundry. He certainly never bathed us kids or helped us with homework. My mom was responsible for all...and she did it. Cheerfully, lovingly, daily. How did she put forth those positive feelings to us when she must have, at some point along the way, experienced the feelings I have been experiencing.

The way my husband plays with our kids; it's nothing short of glorious in my opinion. They dance silly to loud abnoxious music. Or they wrestle until everything turns into one huge giggle fest! They're nuts.

I was really starting to feel like such a failure after the third kid, and the majority of the housework and sheer exhaustion at the end of the day... not knowing where 'they' leave off and I begin. Feeling guilty for not having even half of the things I set out to do that day even near completion by bed time. Desperately wanting time for me to be me without interuption. I want to go to the gym, I want to craft, I want to scrapbook, do pilates and ...and how do other moms do it? How did my mom do it? I may never be the housekeeper my mom was when we were kids, and that's ok with me. And now I know it's ok with my husband too.

But, anyhow, I just wanted to brag a little on what an awesome lifemate I have been given and acknowledge that I know I am blessed and I do not take him for granted. I know not everyone has that and I just wanted to appreciate him out loud.